I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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