omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
