pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize