these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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