I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
