I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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