sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
