It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
