She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
