just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
