i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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