Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize