look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
