dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize