you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
