I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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