i was born a porn star she said
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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