If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize