just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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