I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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