My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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