would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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