i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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