I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
