You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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