I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
