i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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