She's JV to your varsity
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Of course I have a pirate flag
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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