why didn't you poke me back
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
