sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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