He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
