Quick, to the slutcave!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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