so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
