I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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