spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
