My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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