i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
