tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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