when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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