We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
