I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
