me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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