I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize