oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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