Swine flu. Run for my life!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize