i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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