i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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