guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
