Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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