I'm eating all of the evidence.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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