Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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