did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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