"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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