Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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