Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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