Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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