we have pet lesbian snakes
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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