sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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