I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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