He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
