There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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