I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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