He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
