He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
