How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
