You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
