people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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