i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize