Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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