I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
