he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
