I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize