fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
