I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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