Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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