Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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