Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
