she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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