I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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