i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My vagina just recognized that song.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
