Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He is an equal opportunity slut.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
