Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
