if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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