i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
