I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
