seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize