'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
