The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize