Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
