Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Randomize
