dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize