I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
