he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
