what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
