If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
